{"id":2794,"date":"2023-04-18T00:22:39","date_gmt":"2023-04-18T00:22:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/?p=2794"},"modified":"2024-01-24T18:01:26","modified_gmt":"2024-01-24T18:01:26","slug":"ask-flora-february-2022","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/ask-flora-february-2022\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Encourage Empathy in Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"<style>.kb-image2794_bab211-c3 .kb-image-has-overlay:after{opacity:0.3;}<\/style>\n<div class=\"wp-block-kadence-image kb-image2794_bab211-c3\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"683\" height=\"1024\" data-src=\"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Pinterest-Pin-copy-53-1-683x1024.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"kb-img wp-image-3390 lazyload\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Pinterest-Pin-copy-53-1-683x1024.jpg 683w, https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Pinterest-Pin-copy-53-1-200x300.jpg 200w, https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Pinterest-Pin-copy-53-1-768x1152.jpg 768w, https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Pinterest-Pin-copy-53-1.jpg 1000w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 683px) 100vw, 683px\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 683px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 683\/1024;\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"683\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Pinterest-Pin-copy-53-1-683x1024.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"kb-img wp-image-3390\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Pinterest-Pin-copy-53-1-683x1024.jpg 683w, https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Pinterest-Pin-copy-53-1-200x300.jpg 200w, https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Pinterest-Pin-copy-53-1-768x1152.jpg 768w, https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Pinterest-Pin-copy-53-1.jpg 1000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 683px) 100vw, 683px\" \/><\/noscript><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>When your child hurts another child, you might be mortified and even feel frozen like a deer in the headlights.  After that initial shock, your first instinct may be to take the child and insist they apologize. Instead, consider taking a moment to encourage empathy in your child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I actually recommend NOT forcing an apology because it may be counterproductive.  The reason is that forced apologies trigger our child to shut down with a \u201cShame-brain\u201d response (Brene Brown).&nbsp; In addition, it really doesn\u2019t move the situation forward, and repeat behaviors are likely. Instead of an apology, I<strong> <\/strong>recommend what I call \u201csolution-focused ownership\u201d to encourage empathy in your child.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong><strong>3 Steps for Solution-focused Ownership to Encourage Empath<\/strong>y in Kids<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Step 1: Point out what you notice and see if they solve it on their own<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cI see that Sam is crying, from that toy being taken away.\u201d  <\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cI notice sister is very upset that you took her stuffy without asking.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong><strong>Step 2:<\/strong> <strong>Direct the child to take ownership<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>To make the situation right at that moment or to make a plan for different choices in the future, direct the child to take ownership (and state that plan to the person who was upset or wronged).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cYou grabbed that toy from Jackson, and now he\u2019s sad.&nbsp; <em>What can we do to make it better?\u201d<\/em> This gives the child a chance for a \u201cdo-over\u201d.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><em>\u201cWhat could you do differently next time?\u201d<\/em>, and then ask them to state that agreement.&nbsp; \u201cOk, next time you will ask sister before you take a toy out of her room. Great plan.&nbsp; Let\u2019s go tell sister that and give her back the toy.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong><strong>Step 3:<\/strong> <strong>Take charge when the child refuses to improve the situation<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If the child won\u2019t choose a way to make the situation better, then you choose an outcome for them.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhen you choose a solution, you get to keep playing, Otherwise, there will be a sad consequence.\u201d <br>Ie. If the child is not willing to give back the toy, then you leave the playdate, or if they won\u2019t trade toys, the toy they stole goes away until tomorrow.&nbsp; Whatever outcome you choose, it will be most effective if it is something you have the power to enforce.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Over time, using these 3 steps should be a positive way to help the child to take ownership of their mistakes, in a solution-focused way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">If you&#8217;d like more personalized guidance, <a href=\"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/mentor-2\/\" title=\"contact Flora today\">contact Flora today<\/a>.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>*This article was originally published in Montana Parent Magazine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video\"><video controls src=\"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/soundbite-4.mp4\" playsinline><\/video><\/figure>\n\n\n<style>.wp-block-kadence-advancedheading.kt-adv-heading2794_505e1d-2c, .wp-block-kadence-advancedheading.kt-adv-heading2794_505e1d-2c[data-kb-block=\"kb-adv-heading2794_505e1d-2c\"]{font-style:normal;}.wp-block-kadence-advancedheading.kt-adv-heading2794_505e1d-2c mark, .wp-block-kadence-advancedheading.kt-adv-heading2794_505e1d-2c[data-kb-block=\"kb-adv-heading2794_505e1d-2c\"] mark{font-style:normal;color:#f76a0c;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-left:0px;}<\/style>\n<h2 class=\"kt-adv-heading2794_505e1d-2c wp-block-kadence-advancedheading\" data-kb-block=\"kb-adv-heading2794_505e1d-2c\">LISTEN FOR MORE in the <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/05kxybA5UZwwsHzjgDmEgX?si=Hm3HZEwXTOuEMuhtJFlaiw\" title=\"\"><strong>Sustainable Parenting Podcast episode on &#8220;Saying Sorry.&#8221;<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When your child hurts another child, you might be mortified and even feel frozen like a deer in the headlights&#8230;.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3390,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"normal","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,1],"tags":[30,29],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2794"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2794"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2794\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3589,"href":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2794\/revisions\/3589"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3390"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2794"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2794"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sustainableparenting.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2794"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}