Parenting is a journey filled with joys and challenges, and making mistakes (like yelling or saying something you regret) along the way can happen to parents, even when you are reeeeeealy trying not to.
In my work as a parent coach, and as a mother of two, I often encounter situations where things don’t go as planned. I have yelled or said things in the heat of the moment that I later regret, leaving me really disappointed in myself. These moments of regret can feel overwhelming, but they also present valuable opportunities for growth. In this article, let us explore gentle and effective strategies to use when you make a mistake in parenting: naming the mistake, teaching through the experience, and creating a plan for the future.
3 Key Steps to Do When You Make a Mistake
1. Name the mistake as a “wonderful opportunity to grow“
The key I want to emphasize here is that you are not saying to your child, “Gosh! I’m the worst mom ever. I was mean and that’s never ok.” Instead, if you state that you KNOW you made a mistake, and you know this mistake is a “wonderful opportunity to learn” (Positive Discipline), you are reframing the situation. Instead of being focused on shame, you are focused on a solution. With this phrase, you show your child that everyone makes mistakes and that mistakes are chances to learn and grow.
Not only is it important to name mistakes as opportunities for YOU to learn/grow, but it sends the message that the same is true for your child. It teaches your child that mistakes are part of life. This helps them see that making mistakes doesn’t make them bad kid, but rather that they hit a road block that is valuable to notice and reflect on. It’s a way to help everyone in the family understand that we can learn from our choices and improve.
2. Teach about emotions and the brain
Talking to your child about how our brains work when we are upset, can help them understand that your mistake may be due to your amygdala taking over, not allowing you to make your best wised decision.
You can explain that our brains work in different ways when we are calm, upset, or very stressed. Using simple resources like videos or stories can make this easier for kids to understand.
This shows them that having big feelings is normal and that everyone experiences them. By teaching your child about emotions, you help them see that their feelings are okay and that they can learn to manage them in a healthy way.
3. Make a Plan
Create a plan for next time. When you have made a mistake by yelling or saying something you regret, its really valuable to reflect on what you are able to do differently next time – and share that with your child. Instead of just an apology, I find it holds a lot of value to say, “THIS is what I plan to do differently next time.”
For example, if repeating yourself led to yelling, decide on a clear plan that after you have repeat yourself once, you will then either walk away or ask the child to take a break till they can be a better listener. Sharing your plan shows your child that you are working on handling things better. This can make them feel more secure and understood, knowing that everyone is working together to create a happier home.
Making mistakes is a natural part of parenting, and how we handle those moments can strengthen our relationships with our children. By naming our mistakes, teaching our children about emotions, and creating a plan for the future, we turn these challenges into opportunities for growth and connection. Every mistake is a chance to learn and grow together as a family. Embrace these moments with kindness and patience, knowing that you are helping your child understand that everyone can improve and that love and understanding are at the heart of every successful family.
