Episode 109 | Sustainable Parenting | Flora McCormick, LCPC
0:00 – Addressing Parental Disappointment and Frustration
2:20 – Jenny’s Parenting Struggles and Transformation
4:16 – Understanding the Expectation Gap
7:00 – Normalizing Children’s Emotions and Boundaries
9:40 – Children’s Job: Testing Rules and Boundaries
10:52 – Resources for Sustainable Parenting Support
The One Phrase That Can Decrease Your Parenting Overwhelm
Hey friend,
Have you been feeling some disappointment lately? Maybe frustration that the battles with your kids just keep happening day after day… Or that they pick and pick at each other constantly… Or maybe you’ve felt that wave of parenting overwhelm when your kids say something really hurtful in the heat of big emotions?
If any of that feels familiar, I want you to know—you’re not alone. These moments are incredibly tough, and they can leave even the most committed, loving parent wondering, “Why does this feel so hard?”
Today, I want to share a simple phrase—a mindset shift, really—that can help ease that sense of frustration, disappointment, and overwhelm. It’s one of the most powerful tools I’ve seen in my coaching practice. Let me tell you a story…
Meet Jenny
Jenny is a stay-at-home mom with three little ones—a toddler, a three-year-old, and a five-year-old. When we first started working together, she showed up to our session with her eyes downcast, voice heavy, and a sigh that held so much pain.
“Flora, I just don’t know if I can keep doing this. I gave up my career—my master’s degree—to be a stay-at-home mom because I thought this is what I wanted. But I’m exhausted. I yell more than I want to. Bedtime’s a disaster. My kids are constantly doing the very things I’ve asked them not to do. I just feel like I’m failing.”
This level of raw honesty is something I hear often. It takes courage to say it out loud, and it’s something I deeply honor when a parent shares it with me.
Two weeks later, Jenny returned with a different energy. There was lightness in her voice. She said,
“It’s not that everything is perfect now… but things feel better. Lighter. The kids are still kids, but I don’t feel so buried by it all. I actually feel a little more confident.”
So what changed?
The Tool: Adjusting the Expectation Gap
Here’s the phrase that changed everything for Jenny:
“The expectation gap is the space between how we think things should be… and how they actually are.”
And the bigger that gap, the bigger our stress.
Think of it like a window:
- The top frame is your ideal—the shoulds.
- The bottom frame is reality—what’s actually happening.
The more distance between those two, the more tension and frustration we feel.
Let me be clear, though—this isn’t about lowering your standards or giving up on expecting kindness and respect. Not at all. This is about shifting the story you tell yourself in the hard moments.
Two Roads in the Moment
Let’s take sibling squabbles, for example.
Road One:
“They shouldn’t be fighting like this. They should be kind. I’ve taught them better than this. Why is this still happening?”
→ Cue: feeling like a failure, rising frustration, snapping.
Road Two:
“Oh, look. They’re fighting again. Of course they are. They’ve only been on this planet for 3, 5, maybe 8 years. They’re still learning conflict management. And I’m here to teach them.”
Do you feel the difference between those two internal narratives?
It’s not about ignoring the behavior or letting everything slide—it’s about acknowledging that your kids are still in the learning phase. And your role isn’t to have it all figured out—it’s to be the guide through it.
Making Space for Big Emotions
Jenny also shifted how she responded to her son’s big feelings.
Instead of saying,
“Don’t be so angry. Stop that. Calm down!”
She began saying,
“You’re allowed to be super angry. And if you need to throw something, you can do that in your room. You can toss your stuffed animal across the bed. I’ll help keep things safe while you let it out.”
This simple change brought so much relief. Her son felt seen and safe to express his feelings. And Jenny? She didn’t feel like she had to fix or prevent every meltdown. She was holding space instead of absorbing the chaos.
The Truth About Your Child’s Job
There’s a phrase I saw years ago on a hospital website that stuck with me—and I still share it with nearly every parent I work with:
“A child’s job is to test rules and boundaries to see what happens when they do.”
It’s their job.
And some days? They clock in early and stay late.
So if your child is pushing boundaries, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means they’re doing exactly what kids are wired to do. And your job, dear friend, is to hold those boundaries—with kindness and firmness—and to teach. Not just correct.
Finding More Joy and Ease
So here’s what I want to leave you with:
You’re not failing because your child pushes boundaries, melts down, or fights with their sibling.
You’re not failing because this feels harder than you imagined.
You are showing up. You are learning. You are growing alongside your child.
And when we shrink that expectation gap—from “they should know how to handle this already” to “of course they’re still learning”—we give ourselves room to breathe.
This is where more joy and ease live. Not in perfection, but in perspective.
And if you’re ready for more support in how to hold those kind and firm boundaries, that’s exactly what we’re about here. I’d love to walk alongside you. Let’s connect!
With you always,
Flora
Sustainable Parenting