Ever wondered if your parenting might be hurting your child? If you’ve found yourself swinging between being super caring and then feeling like a total monster, you’re definitely not alone. It can be tough when you’re trying your best to be calm and understanding, but your kids just aren’t listening. The frustration builds up until you explode, and then you’re left feeling really bad about it. This feeling of guilt and doubt can be overwhelming. But guess what? There’s some really good news coming your way. Stick around, because I’m about to share two amazing tools that can totally turn things around for you and your child.

Do you feel stuck in a “Gentle Mom, Monster Mom” cycle?

2 Key Steps for Positive Parenting:

Here are the two key steps to have more calm:

1. Embrace the 30% Rule

Inspired by the Circle of Security, a well-researched program, we find a reassuring truth – you only need to get it right about 30% of the time. When families consistently apply kindness, firmness, gentle attachment, and conscious parenting in around 30% of their interactions, they see positive outcomes. So, give yourself credit for the progress you make.

2. “When You Keep Getting to the End of the Rope, SHORTEN Your Rope”

Getting to the end of the rope means yelling, losing your temper, and/or saying things you regret.

To “shorten your rope” it means following through sooner, with actions, while you are still in your calmest self. Make a plan in advance, giving them the clear “2 roads”: “Happy Choice” vs “Sad Choice”, Follow through (guilt-free), and let your, “one more time…” actually be only 1 time.

Practical tools for Positive Parenting:

1. Do Not Negotiate With a Terrorist

Hold on. I’m not saying that your child is a terrorist. But if you are negotiating when they are yelling or demanding, then you are negotiating with terrorist tactics. And when you do that, you encourage more “terrorist” behavior. Instead, set clear rules and avoid bargaining. This creates an environment where working together is not just encouraged but works well.
That sounds like:

When you are whining, or demanding, I’m not able to solve the problem with you sweetheart.” or

Honey, I’m not gonna keep arguing with you. I’ve give you my answer. I love you AND the answer is no.”

2. 30-second Silent Hug

For an extra way to ease tension, try the 30-second silent hug. This involves hugging your child without saying anything for half a minute. Physical touch can be a strong way to show that you understand and support them, creating a space where you both can find common ground. This non-verbal action helps to make your child feel secure and emotionally connected.

3. “I Love You, and the Answer Is No”

Show love while setting limits. Let your child know that your decision stands, and it’s based on your love and concern for their well-being.
You can say: ‘I can hear that you don’t like that consequence for your behavior, and I bet you’ll make a different choice next time.” or walking away to show your boundary of not allowing a child to yell at you.

The idea of shortening your rope is to avoid long negotiations, arguments, and demands. With a plan in place and following through without repeated reminders, you prevent reaching the end of your rope. Successfully handling these moments without losing your temper eliminates the need for regret in your parenting journey.

Parenting can be a rollercoaster of emotions, but it’s never too late to make things better. Remember, nobody’s perfect, but small changes can make a big difference. So take a deep breath, try out these tools, and watch as your parent-child bond grows stronger every day. You’ve got this!

If you’d like more personalized guidance, contact Flora today.

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