Episode 129 | Sustainable Parenting | Flora McCormick, LCPC

0:02 – Why Toddlers Hit and Why You’re Not Alone
0:46 – What You’ll Learn: Three Clear Steps
1:12 – Host Intro and Listener Shout-Out
2:23 – Tip 1: Prioritize the Big Win
4:37 – Tip 2: Teach, Practice, Praise
7:25 – Tip 3: Two Roads—Choices and Results
9:57 – What to Say to Other Parents
11:53 – Following Through Without Shame

How to Handle Hitting, Scratching, and Grabbing at Playdates

If you’ve ever walked into a playdate hoping for five peaceful minutes — maybe a warm cup of coffee, maybe an actual adult conversation — only to hear a sudden scream or see your child hit, scratch, or grab… oh friend, I’ve been there too.

Your heart drops.
Your cheeks get hot.
You instantly wonder what the other parent must be thinking.

And here’s the truth I wish someone had told me earlier:

This is extremely common, especially for kids ages one to three. This is development, not defiance.

Little ones simply don’t have the impulse control, communication skills, or emotional regulation to handle frustration, excitement, or sharing yet. It’s not a sign of a “bad kid.” It’s a sign of a young kid.

Once I really understood that, I walked into playdates with so much more compassion — for my child and for myself.

Let me share the three steps that helped me feel more prepared, less embarrassed, and more confident guiding those tricky moments.

1. Remember What Really Matters

Before I go to a playdate now, I take a moment to reset my expectations. Because honestly? Most of us arrive hoping our kids magically entertain themselves so we can sip coffee and talk about something other than Paw Patrol.

So when I suddenly hear a thud or a shriek, my first instinct is to freeze and hope it goes away. Or I give the quick “Hey honey, we don’t do that” and try to jump back into the conversation like nothing happened.

I totally get why parents do this — I did it too.

But here’s the mindset shift that changed everything for me:

The “quick win” is trying to finish my conversation.
The “big win” is helping my child learn the skills that end these patterns for good.

And sometimes the big win means stepping away from the adult moment to guide your child with calm consistency.

It’s inconvenient…
but wow, does it pay off later.

A phrase I come back to often is:
“Suffer with a purpose so you don’t suffer in circles.”

Every small moment you spend teaching now makes your future playdates smoother and more peaceful. Walking in with that mindset changes the whole experience.

2. Teach by Teaching, Not Correcting

(Teach → Practice → Praise)

When hitting or grabbing happens, it’s usually because kids simply don’t know the alternative yet. They know what not to do — but they don’t know what to do.

That’s why teaching outside the heat of the moment is so powerful.

Here’s the rhythm I use:

Teach. Practice. Praise.

Teach

When things are calm, I might say:

“Hey buddy, if I have this toy and you want it, what can you say?”

Then I teach the script:
“Turn, please.”

For older kids, I’ll teach skills like trading, offering a swap, asking “Can I go next?”, or inviting someone to play.

Practice

This part matters. Kids learn through repetition and play.

You can:

  • Role-play with stuffed animals
  • Take turns grabbing and asking
  • Set up little pretend scenarios
  • Switch roles so they practice both sides

It’s just like soccer — you don’t explain the rules and hope they score. You practice. Social skills are the same.

Praise

When your child uses the script during a real playdate, celebrate it warmly:

“Yes! You said ‘Turn, please’ all on your own. You’re really trying.”

This teaches the brain: When I use my skills, good things happen.

Teach → Practice → Praise builds confidence, self-control, and social awareness over time.

3. Use the “Two Roads” Ahead of Time

The “two roads” language is one of my favorite tools for helping kids understand choices without shame.

Before the playdate, explain:

“There are always two roads:
The happy road and the sad road.
You’re always good. Your choices decide the road.”

Happy Road

Your child:

  • Uses their practiced tools
  • Says “Turn, please”
  • Keeps safe hands
  • Tries trading or asking

Happy result:
They get to stay and enjoy the playdate.

Sad Road

Your child:

  • Hits
  • Scratches
  • Grabs
  • Hurts people or things

Sad result:
They take a short break with you and help make things right.

The two roads aren’t about punishment — they’re about predictable outcomes. When kids know what will happen ahead of time, they feel safer and behave better.

And during the playdate, you can gently guide them:

“Looks like you’re heading toward the sad road. Let’s pause and see if you can get back to the happy road.”

Consistent, clear, and kind.

Final Thoughts

Playdates will always have unpredictable moments — that’s just life with little ones. But when you walk in with a plan, compassion, and the tools to teach instead of panic, the whole experience softens.

Remember:

  • Your child isn’t broken.
  • You’re not doing anything wrong.
  • These behaviors are developmentally normal.

And every time you:

✨ step away from your conversation,
✨ practice the social skill,
✨ follow the two roads gently…

You’re helping your child grow the exact skills they’ll need for years to come — communication, self-regulation, confidence, and empathy.

Playdates might not be perfect next time, but they can feel more grounded, more connected, and far more hopeful.

You and your child are learning together.
And that — truly — is a beautiful thing.

If you’d like more personalized guidance, contact Flora today.