Episode 78 | Sustainable Parenting | Flora McCormick, LCPC

0:00 – Effective Strategies for Addressing Toddler Hitting
9:07 – Empowering Strategies for Addressing Child Aggression

How to Stop Toddler Hitting: Gentle Strategies That Actually Help

Understanding and managing toddler hitting or aggression can be daunting for parents. However, Flora emphasizes that such behaviors often stem from unmet needs or immature ways of expressing feelings like anger or curiosity. This blog introduces the innovative “red light” and “green light” concepts to help parents guide their children towards healthier emotional expressions.

Strategies for Addressing Toddler Hitting and Other Aggressive Behaviors

1. Give your child the “Red light” and “Green Light”

The “Red light” means being clear with your child the natural or logical consequences if they hit.

ie “You hit – you sit” or “You shout, I’m out.” (I’ll be walking away).

The “green light” means teaching the child appropriate skills to replace their aggressive behaviors.

ie. “When you want to hit, you can walk away, take a breath, tell the person to stop, squeeze your fists or stomp.” And you can make a wheel of choices with your child, to help them see those options visually in a clear way (and so you can review the options every time you go to a play date, or after he has calmed after hitting).

The goal is to foster better behavior and emotional management in young children by teaching, practicing, and praising new skills. *This is an example of a perfectly imperfect wheel of choices, as suggested by Positive Discipline, which would represent 4 options: walk away, get help from a grown-up, hold up your hand and tell the other child that is bothering you to stop (ie. stop coming near me or reaching for my toy), and use your words (to say what is bugging you and what you wish could happen).

2.Teach The “Interrupting Hand“

This method helps set clear replacement behaviors when a child might be hitting because they don’t know how else to get your attention when you are busy or talking to someone else. Here is a personal story about teaching my daughter to place her hand on my shoulder or arm to signal for attention. See the example below.

Calmly pausing and redirecting aggressive behavior is a key aspect of managing toddler aggression. It’s about teaching the missing skills, and goes best when you practice, practice, practice! *And then be sure to CATCH when the child uses a positive skill (instead of hitting), and give it praise through the simple words – “Wow! I notice you chose to….”

For parents seeking non-punitive approaches to use instead of Time-Out (after a child has hit), I also recommend checking out Episode 37 of the Sustainable Parenting podcast. This episode focuses on what I call a “reset.”

Final Thoughts

By teaching, practicing, and praising new skills, parents can help their children channel their emotions positively and develop healthier ways to express their feelings and transform their aggressive behaviors into positive actions.

If you’d like more personalized guidance, contact Flora today.