Episode 116 | Sustainable Parenting | Flora McCormick, LCPC

0:00 – Why Patience Isn’t the Answer
2:49 – Understanding Time Travel and Parental Anger
4:23 – The Three P’s for Calm Parenting
5:49 – Making a Plan: Prevention Over Firefighting
8:07 – Mastering the Power of Pause
10:36 – Permission to Practice Imperfectly
12:29 – Preview of Next Episode

How to Control Your Anger as a Parent (Without Yelling)

Parenting brings so many moments of joy, but it also brings days when things feel extra hard. Maybe your child is pushing limits, asking “why” over and over, or calmly saying they will not do what you asked. In those moments, it can feel like your patience is shrinking by the second. Many parents tell themselves they simply want more of it, but patience is not what creates real change. What helps is understanding what is happening inside of you when anger rises. When you see the patterns clearly, it becomes easier to respond with calm instead of yelling.

Today, we will talk about a simple idea that can shift everything and explore three helpful P words that make it easier to stay steady during stressful moments. These tools bring more ease, more connection, and a sense of confidence that feels good for both you and your child.

Understanding Time Travel and Parental Anger

When yelling happens, it is often not because of the moment in front of you. It often comes from what the moment brings up inside your mind and heart. This is what we consider as time travel. Sometimes your mind goes backward. You might remember your own childhood, past mistakes, or moments when you felt alone or overwhelmed. Those memories can attach themselves to your child’s behavior, even when the situations are very different.

Other times your mind jumps forward into the future. You might wonder if this moment means you are failing as a parent or worry that your child’s behavior will turn into something bigger later in life. Thoughts like these create fear, and fear can make anger rise faster.

This extra layer of emotion can make simple moments feel heavy. A child refusing to cooperate can feel like a sign of something much bigger, even when it is just a hard moment. A helpful step is to gently ask yourself, “Am I feeling upset about this moment or about a story my mind is telling me?” When you notice time travel, you can return to the present. From there, it becomes easier to respond in a calm and steady way instead of yelling.

The Three P’s That Help You Control Your Anger

The three P’s offer a simple path toward calmer moments. They are Plan, Pause, and Practice. These steps help you move from reacting in anger to responding with more steadiness. The three P’s work because they lower the stress inside your body and help you act with intention. When you use them, you create more space for calm, connection, and clear choices during tough moments.

1. Plan

Planning is the step that helps prevent repeated stress. Many hard moments happen because expectations are not clear or because everyone is tired and unsure of what comes next. A plan creates clarity which makes things feel calmer for both you and your child.

I.e. During bedtime, when kids keep coming out of their room for one more hug or one more question, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. A plan might sound like this, “Hey, let’s be crystal clear, we’re going to do bedtime like this and when it goes this way, we have this reward in the morning or we have space for this many books at the end of our routine. When we don’t, we don’t” When the plan is clear, everyone knows what to expect.

I.e. If a child kept leaving a bike in the driveway, instead of nagging, you may say, “If the bike is left out, I’ll go ahead and put it in the shed and it won’t be available for a few days. And when you put it away, it’s totally yours and free to use when you want. You choose.” The plan removed the anger from the moment and replaced it with calm follow through. With a plan, your tone shifts from frustration to clarity. Instead of feeling angry, you may simply feel a bit sad for your child when a privilege is lost. Plans make life easier and help prevent emotions from boiling over.

2. Pause

Pause is one of the most powerful tools because it creates space between the trigger and your response. It gives your body time to settle and your mind time to think clearly before you speak. We have a simple method called whoa, low, and slow. After each step, you pause and count silently to seven.

Many parents say that “whoa” helps the most. It is a moment to stop, breathe, and let the first burst of frustration fade. Then you move into naming what you see.

“You seem frustrated.”

“You seem so wiggly and it is hard to listen.”

Or you might use the phrase, “I noticed…” and then describe the challenge.

I.e. “I notice this is hard for you. You are not wanting to leave the park.”

While talking, you keep your voice low and your pace slow. This creates a calmer tone that helps both you and your child settle. After naming the challenge, you pause again to give your brain time to choose the next step. Then you might ask a gentle question like, “What can we do to make this better?” Pausing slows everything down just enough to stay steady. It makes it easier to respond with calm even when emotions are high.

3. Practice

Practice is the reminder that calm parenting grows through small, steady attempts. No parent gets it perfect right away. You are learning new habits, and that takes time and kindness. We encourage parents to give themselves space to grow and to reach out for support when it feels helpful. Every time you use the three P’s, even imperfectly, you are building new patterns. Progress happens through repetition, not perfection. With practice, calm moments become more common, and you begin to feel more confident in how you respond. You can be a wonderful parent while learning along the way.

Final Thoughts

Parenting is full of real, everyday moments that stretch your patience and your heart. When anger shows up, it does not mean you are failing. It often means you care deeply and feel unsure of what will help in the moment. The three P’s give you a gentler path forward. They help you stay grounded, stay present, and guide your child with more calm and clarity. As you notice time travel, make simple plans, take a pause, and practice new habits, things begin to shift. Little by little, you create a home with more ease, more connection, and more room for everyone to grow.

If you’d like more personalized guidance, contact Flora today.