How To Get More Respect From Your Child

In parenting, we often wish our kids would be respectful and do as they’re told. When things go wrong, we usually rely on giving commands and consequences, forming a repetitive cycle I like to call the “Co-Co cycle.” I call it this because it usually leaves us feeling crazy and confused – wondering why our commands and consequences aren’t working. Yet the answer is simple.

We need a new method that I have crafted, called the “CEO process”. This gives you the effective tools to move out of the “co-co” cycle and into calm and respect. That’s because it involves using these as the key tools in our toolbox, instead:

Connection,
Encouraging Cooperation,
Ownership

There are many ways your relationship can take the lead in your discipline. For example:

Instead of telling your child to put away their toys after they are done, and then yelling every time you see the toys left out, make an agreement like: “Every toy that is left out over night will be taking a break in our closet for 2 days.” That agreement will help you to feel empowered more, because it often leads the child to be more motivated. Yet even more importantly it shares the ownership of that plan with your child. They KNOW what is going to happen if they choose not to put away their toys (ie. handling it respectfully).

“Put your energy into the plan, instead of spending it putting out fires.”

I know agreements in advance take time, but they help us to put our energy into prevention instead of putting out fires (dealing with disrespect and misbehaving).

Here are some more examples of offering respect to the child by being clear in advance what your expectation is.:

Kid playing with the buttons repeatedly: “Hey honey, this is what we can play with. And if we are not being a good boss of our body (ie. throwing the toy), then that item will be put up”.
Kid climbing and jumping on chairs: “This is where we can jump or mommy will help move you.”

Then, the most important step is follow-through. Our children learn more from what we do rather than what we say. And if we don’t do what we say we are going to do, our children lose respect for us. They see that we are more driven by emotion than principles.

Key pieces that can help you to “follow through”, with respect:

1. Use “instead”

Let your kids know that instead of showing the behavior you don’t approve of, give them what they can do INSTEAD.
Ie. “Instead of pulling and talking over me to interrupt, here’s how you can interrupt (Teach the “Interrupting Hand”).”
“Instead of speaking in those kinds of words to me, why don’t you say, “Mom, I disagree with you.”

2. Have a plan in advance

As I mentioned before, the agreements in advance really do help the child feel more respected, and thus leads them to respect the outcomes more. It also helps us to be more likely to follow-through when we have decided our actions for a certain behavior before we are enraged by seeing that behavior.

Parenting often feels like a cycle of commands and consequences, but there’s a gentler way. Instead of just reacting, we can prevent problems by setting clear expectations and guiding our kids toward better choices. By giving our kids tools to make good choices, we’re helping them learn and grow. It’s about guiding them with love and understanding, building a stronger bond and making family life smoother and more enjoyable for everyone.